Disability X Sexuality
Video from Erawtica
"I’ve seen both persons with disabilities and/or visible differences as either objects to examine or as tokens for inspiration, but never -just- as humans within the umbrella of sexuality. Not in movies, photos, shows, or even in your general damn conversations. It’s an issue that seeps in without having to ever be blatantly named or shown. The carbon monoxide of disability."
"How am I supposed to explain to you that I’m not your fucking inspiration (because inspiration changes you and you haven’t done shit to change) but still attempt to alter your perspective and interactions? How can I try to normalize disableds being intersectional queer kinky sluts when you rarely perceive us as sexual beings? How will I ever present the thick, rusty, quivering emotions of occupying this home through romantic endeavors when we aren’t even put on the bill of qualified contenders."
"It’s being too much and not enough; the ever-looming fog of burden. It’s bubbles of grief that speak words of exhaustion of this corporal form. It’s the culmination of patterns and sickly reminders making it feel like my insides are going to crawl out my mouth. It’s the risks in being vulnerable, weighing like a punishment. It's being in a body with talents of opening others up just to further perfect the art of self-preservation. The dark magic of seeing and not being seen."
DISABLED SEXUAL LIBERATION
Choose liberation with reckless abandon.
It’s difficult to normalize sexuality for those with disabilities when neither sexuality or disability is normalized to begin with.
It’s either taboo, ignored, stigmatized, or exploited. To get to a point where sexuality and disability are considered common place together, we have to make awareness there’s an issue to begin with; we have to address the foundations of ableism.
Being disabled or different, for me, it’s been a lifetime of making people feel comfortable, informed, or managing their opinions - but I’m now at a point where my aim is to take up space. To actually tell you what I need and not feel bad for it. To be too much and not enough all at once and still not give a fuck. To make you uncomfortable and to encourage people to see their discomfort with ableism conversations as a privilege. To take up space in hopes to make people more aware and informed of these realities. Anything said in a post or message or conversation will always just be the tip of the iceberg.
I’m going to take up space, because my reality will always be more important than how it makes others feel.
HERE COME THE VOICES AGAIN
Here come the voices again.
Right when you start getting starry heart eyes at a friend. Because why wouldn’t you like them? You have so much in common! Their laugh. Gentle heart. Shared ideals. You push each other. They like to dance. They giggle as much as they get deep. They know you. You’re both weirdos. And they love people just as much as you. It makes sense, right?
But the absorbed voices pipe in again. Like of course, why on earth would you ever tell them? Are you fuckin kidding? You? Of all people? You don’t even have the invite to this circle. And even if they were interested at all, they’d tell you, right? And even if they kind of did, you don’t do that. You aren’t enough to be considered. You don’t tell people you’re interested because you aren’t a contender. And you know that. Especially when the world constantly reminds you. That you don’t belong in this equation. You aren’t even on the radar. Why would you ever think you’re included in this conversation of relationships? Even after you’ve done the work. Even after you’ve shoved yourself in the spotlight and did the countless ballsy things with less emotional risk.
It’s still reinforced by strangers on the bus. It’s reinforced again at the third first ‘date’ in a row that calls you a friend. Why would you ever think it’s worth the risk? Why would you ever think your friend would like you back? Especially after you realize you’re still learning how to be attracted to healthy things. After unpacking the years and years of smothered layers of internalized ableism and family trauma and narcissistic abuse and and and and —
Here come the voices again.
Sex Toy Reviews
Featured as a disability sexuality advocate
inpleasure is a virtual prerecorded dance workshop for deepening self-intimacy + sensual embodiment. This 5-part offering is an experiential unfolding that invites folx to (re)build a consensual, sovereign and pleasure-forward relationship with Self through sensual dance. Accessibility: This workshop will provide closed captioning and alt text. It is open to folx of all races, abilities, genders and sexual orientations.